Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize