I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
