Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
