Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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