Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
