Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
