I didn't shave. On purpose
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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