Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
