Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
