I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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