Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
