I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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