Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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