you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
