It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
