if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
