That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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