I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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