Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
