it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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