Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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