i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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