Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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