ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize