I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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