I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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