Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
