I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
