Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
