I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
