I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
