Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
