bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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