Did you just see the Batmobile???
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
