Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
