I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
