that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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