I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
