You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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