I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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