cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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