think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
