and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
