I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
