You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
