Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
