So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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