Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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