I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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