the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
