Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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