I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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