She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
