So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
