Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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