You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
