I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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