I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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