I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
