i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
