It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
