She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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