no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
