she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
