yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
