'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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