Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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