9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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