it's not cheating when I paid for it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
