so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
