508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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