He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
