I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
