roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Come share oat with me in your robe
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
